I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
