At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
