There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
