We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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