you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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