i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
