so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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