Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
