you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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