neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
