don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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