my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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