discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
