She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
