she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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