i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
