I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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