Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
