there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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