Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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