I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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