she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
