And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
