i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize