peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
