Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
