Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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