I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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