I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
