I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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