I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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