Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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