So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
