booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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