she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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