Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
