next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
