I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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