so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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