there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
