marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
