You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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