I want to stick my p in your. b.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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