Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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