How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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