whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
