I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
