think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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