All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
