we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
