So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
