i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
