i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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