are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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