Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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