who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
