Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
