The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
