At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
