my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
