I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
