Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
there is puke in my bra ... again
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