You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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