I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were trust falling into bushes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
