whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
