Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
this is an emotional support booty call
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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