Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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