No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
