So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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