everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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