he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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