Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
