Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
only you would photoshop your dick
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
