But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Where is the hickey?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
