Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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