thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
