May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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