Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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