oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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