did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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