R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
