Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
