not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
