My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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