Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
