Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
