i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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