I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
